Hard times

Every parents of children with acquired brain injury have some aspect that are harder to deal with than others.

I can handle most of my daughter's day to day things. The emotional outburst can be testing some times especially when I've had a hard and/or testing day.

Yesterday, we had her three month follow up with her neurologist and then came the news that we had Botox to do once again. This is the third time. I was prepared for that what I wasn't prepared for was that she would be getting the injections in her calves as well as her hamstring.. The hamstring was a given because her posture is not quite there yet but the calves was my big surprise. Her walking as come a long way but they explained to me that the red marks on her feet wasn't because she was more active it was because the increased tone was creeping back and she wasn't walking heel toes like we do.. She's walking toe heel which create more resistance again the straps of her braces.. So my daughter has six injections and she screamed for all of them. I tried to comfort her the best I could but we needed to get this done.. I feel for her every time and that is my "don't you know she has brain injury" reminder. Every single time, I break down but this one I have no one to bail me out.. So I swallow my tears and paste this great big smile on my face and offer my daughter and helium balloon that gives her great pleasure..because I don't want her to feel that this is a bad thing... It's not but it's sure is hard for a parent to say that this isn't a big deal.. Because it is it's a reminder that she went through so much and has more to come.

The doctor says " You have an amazing little girl and I'm not just saying that". This neurologist was who treated her when we first arrive in March of 2009 and still didn't know what the road ahead would be like.. I wonder if she says this to all the parents. I mean everyone in their own way is amazing. I really don't know what to make of why this doctor needs to reiterate this at every visit. My daughter is a real miracle of life, one that when against all odd and keeps going. She's a happy child even though she's going through a lot and has been through a lot.

On the way home, the heaven cried hard for me.. So hard that I couldn't even see out my windshield. Maybe even God is sadden by what this small child has been through.

Take Care,

MommaBear