Grieving what could've been..

Today, I had a meeting with the school board for my daughter because of the severity of the brain injury left by encephalitis. We need to plead our case for her to have an educational assistance (EA).

Here's what I realize.. my daughter is universally loved which I already knew but was just reconfirmed. The biggest shock was how emotional I still was about this whole situation.. I wonder when you get use to this new life it's been almost 15 months and I still can tell her stories without tears but today was worst.. It knocked the breath right out of me... I couldn't breath.. I literally forgot for a few seconds when all these emotions and memories came rushing back at me.

The other big realization is that she will never have that normal childhood that we all had.. She won't climb monkey bars because she can't.. She'll need her walker in the school yard because if she gets bumped by another child.. She'll fall over.. To go to the park or outing, they will need her to use her wheelchair so she doesn't tired out during the day.. I'm so sad about this.. I've come to realize that I'm grieving what could have been.

I know that my daughter is adaptable, she more than willing to be different and work at what she needs to do to accomplished what she originally set out to do. She will have a terrific childhood with friends that will hopefully admire her and respect her. She will play in her own way and will learn to adapt and work at being who she wants to be.

Neither one is really related to one another is just sometimes you have to grieve the "normal" to be able to appreciate the "spectacular" or "different".. It's not a bad thing even though I have mix feeling about it.. I just needed to recognize these feelings so I can work with my daughter to help her achieve her goals.

Take care,

MommaBear